


How Am I So Deep In Love?

by Jemmabeth_at_221B



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drinking, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by The Umbrella Academy, Klaus x Fem!Reader, Klaus x Female Reader, Pansexual Klaus Hargreeves, Sex, Smut, Umbrella Academy - Freeform, klaus hargreeves x reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24943762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemmabeth_at_221B/pseuds/Jemmabeth_at_221B
Summary: Klaus Hargreeves is a mess. You know that now and you always knew it. You also know it's toxic for you to keep picking up the pieces after every downfall but you just can't help yourself. Klaus is your drug.
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 75





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have many chapters written for this but no actual plot line as such. So I thought I'd experiment by posting the first chapter or so to see if people like it before committing to an entire story. So thoughts feedback would be appreciated!

“Klaus...Klaus wake up. Klaus!”

Klaus’s mind drifted in and out of consciousness. Some garbled information about his physical state and if he didn’t wake up now then he probably wasn’t going to make it, passed through one ear and out of the other. He’d made it clear he wasn’t going to try; was fairly sure he could feel his organs slowly failing one at a time. Or at least, he dramatically assumed that’s what must have been happening.

But what was the point, right?

There was nothing else to live for. His family had done what The Umbrella Academy do best: fallen out with each other and separated for the foreseeable future.

He had nobody else and he’d soon realised it was only a matter of time before his own addictions killed him off.

Yet here he was. Now was going to be his time.

A searing pain shot through Klaus’s body, causing him to convulse involuntarily in ways he could only be semi-aware of. He felt his muscles stiffen and relax over and over; felt the intensity of the pins and needles sensation crawl its way around every sinew when he had finally stopped. He was convinced the Grim Reaper was stood in the corner of the room making sure Klaus was going to experience his own death simply because he’d wasted so much of his time alive on drugs and alcohol.

An apology vaguely formed in Klaus’s throat and tried clawing its way to his lips but his brain couldn’t function hard enough to force the words out. Klaus could taste the metal of blood in his mouth and somehow wound up onto his side, vomiting straight onto the floor and then nothing.

He remembered nothing.

Hours had passed by and Klaus had been unconscious for the most part. Your shift ended long ago but you’d since found yourself cocooned in clinical blue blankets, contorted up on a brown leather chair. The kind of hospital chair that people had long forgotten about. The kind where the cushions sagged and the leather peeled away at the top, revealing an alarming shade of yellow sponge; but when desperate times called for desperate measures, this was the only somewhat comfortable chair available.

Your own clothes reeked of the hospital, not being helped by having been stuffed inside of your locker when you started your day, and the shadows under your eyes from your long shift were only getting darker now that you’d decided to stay and ignore the dire need for your own bed and a comfortable sleep.

“Hey.” You stirred from your incredibly light nap and looked over at your friend.

Now that he was awake, you couldn’t tell if he looked better or worse. You noticed how sunken his eyes looked, how much more prominent his cheek bones were and how grey his skin was. He looked exhausted and fragile and part of you wanted to envelope him in your arms, and tell him you’ll never let him go again if it meant he’d stop doing this to himself. But then you realised that the other part of you was also pretty angry that he’d let himself get to this point. “You look like shit.” You said.

Klaus cracked a weak smile. “Fair enough. Exchanging pleasantries was never your thing.”

“No, I’ll tell you what _my thing_ is, Klaus. _My thing_ is making sure people like you don’t die because your addictions have gone too far. _My thing_ is waiting for people like you to fall apart so I can pick you back up and fix you again just to keep repeating the same pattern over and over. It’s exhausting to watch, Klaus. Not everyone is lucky enough to make it out alive.” You’d planned some of that speech. Granted, you felt bad and your timing was pretty poor but it was going to come out some time soon.

Klaus looked down at his mangled skin on what was left of his Umbrella Academy tattoo from previous failed suicide attempts. He looked at the cannula in his arm trying to feed fluids into his slowly collapsing veins. He looked at the deflated blood pressure cuff around his other arm and heaved an exhausted sigh. He almost couldn’t quite believe how stupid he’d been, how careless. For a start, he knew you worked here so it must have crossed his mind at some point that you’d have wound up at his bedside one way or another.

“I know. I’m sorry.” The truth was, he meant it. Although he knew that it didn’t matter what he said, nothing was going to make this situation better.

Beat, you rubbed your face. “K...” It had been years since he’d heard you call him K and part of him melted.

His chest tightened and tears stung the corner of his eyes as he reached out a hand, hoping you’d take it. You did. You shimmied forward just enough to embrace him, enough to gently run your fingers through his hair that was still damp with sweat, but neither of you cared.

Klaus rested his head on your chest sleepily. “Don’t leave me again. I don’t think I can do it without you. Not this time.”

You squeezed his shoulders gently. “Never. I’m in for the long haul now.” You reassured.

Eventually you pulled away and adjusted the oxygen tubes settled under his nose. “You’re still my pretty boy.” You teased.

Klaus attempted a soft laugh. “I should hope so. I still wear the eyeliner and everything.”

“Badly, too.” You smiled, wiping away some of the smudged proof under his eyes.

“Today doesn’t count, Boots. I’m having an off day.”

The nickname Pretty Boy alluded to when you first met in a night club in the City one night:

_You were on your own with only one focus; to get blind drunk on whatever alcohol was available. You were going through a prolonged rough patch and this became your pass time. This night wasn’t special._

_A man began to approach the bar wearing tight black, leather trousers; heavy combat boots a tight V-neck and a black fur coat. You’d thought nothing of it when he sat next to you but when he’d ordered two double tequilas, you quirked an eyebrow in his direction. “Seems intense.” You commented, watching the bartender place two tumblers in front of him._

_“Oh no.” The man chuckled, sliding one along the bar top, “one’s for you.”_

_You looked at him this time, properly, and noticed he was wearing copious amounts of eyeliner. “I don’t take drinks from strangers.” You pushed the glass back towards him._

_“What’s the matter? Can’t the little lady handle tequila?”_

_You shot him a look and his piercing green eyes challenged you all the more; his lips smirking at your refusal._

_“Listen pretty boy, I don’t want your fucking drink.” You hopped off the bar stool and turned to leave. The height difference between you caused him to snort with laughter._

_"Fine, whatever. I was just being friendly.”_

_“Friendly?” You span back around, grabbing the double shot in your hand. “Who did your makeup?”_

_“My good self.” The man licked his lips._

_You downed the tequila, hating the way it burned your insides almost instantly- hating how you’d probably end up throwing it back up later in the night- and slammed the glass back down in front of him. “Well it’s shit.”_

_You walked away, hearing him shout from his seat- “The name’s Klaus, by the way! I’m here all week!”_

_Your bed was your next destination._


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Testing the waters again with a Chapter 2. Let me know what you think. I've become pretty inspired at the moment so I've begun to link bits and pieces together hoping to make everything flow. Fingers crossed!

“Y/N...”

You shook your head, lost in your thoughts and enjoying recalling the memory. “Hm?”

“Go home.” Klaus nudged you off the bed. “I’ll be fine tonight.”

“You sure?” You stretched, picking up your bag.

“Well I can’t go anywhere so you may as well get some sleep.”

On your drive home, you thought about Klaus calling you Boots and grinned to yourself.

There was a time when you and Klaus would sleep together on drunken, drug-infused nights. Where both of you were barely able to partake in any of what was going on without falling and colliding with each other. Where realistically, it was the worst sex you’d ever had but your confused and intoxicated minds were enjoying every minute. The nickname Boots spiralled from this.

_ Ever since you first met, he’d started calling you Bossy on account of you always telling him to fuck off and it really pushed your buttons because he rarely left you alone. _

_ On this night, all you could think about was him...Which made a change. _

_ His piercing green eyes, his chiselled cheekbones, his dark curls.  _

_ Tonight, you craved Klaus. _

_ Your outfit of choice wasn’t too much; casual with a hint of I-want-him-to-pay-attention-to-me. Your grey anarchy print shirt ripped in a V shape at the neck, slipped slightly off your shoulder and hung a little over your black denim shorts which you paired with black fishnet tights and combat boots. Part of you wondered if you’d under dressed but then part of you remembered Klaus’s eccentric dress sense and you stopped caring. You’d winged your eyeliner for the occasion and applied red lipstick for extra precaution. _

_ “Wow. Hey Gorgeous.” Klaus winked and slid onto his usual stool next to you. _

_ You eyed him up and down and his dress sense was very different from your first meeting. Tonight, he wore black Converses, stone grey skinny jeans and a loose navy-blue vest; the kind where the shoulder was ripped down to the top of his ribs. _

_ You frowned. “You look-” _

_ “Different?” He answered. “I just wanted to see how you’d react. Wondered if you’d still think I’m pretty.” He teased. _

_ “Your eyeliner is still shit.” You slid him over a double shot glass of Jäger. “Drink.” _

_ Klaus screwed up his face and shook his head. “Why would you choose that?” _

_ You grinned. “Because I know you don’t like it. Drink it.” _

_ He handed you the glass back and you could feel a repeat of your first meeting coming on. _

_ “What’s the matter?” You asked. “Pretty Boy can’t handle his alcohol?” _

_ Klaus snatched up the shot glass. “Touché, Bossy Boots.” And he downed the J _ _ äger unwillingly. _

_ “Call me that one more time,” you wiped your mouth, “and I’ll slap your face.” _

_ Klaus inched forward. “I’ll let you into a little secret...That might just turn me on.  _ _ So _ _ do it. I dare you.” _

_ “You’re gross.” You ordered the next two drinks, grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. _

_ The pair of you danced through the night, making various friends along the way and swearing blind that you’d known these strangers for years. _

_ Klaus worried when you’d disappeared for no more than 10 minutes. God forbid you had to pee. _

_ As you clambered up the stairs back into the club, you’d decided enough was enough for tonight. _

_ “Where did you go? He shouted over the music. _

_ You frowned and pointed silently towards the stairs as if it wasn’t obvious enough already. “I’m going home now.” _

_ “I’ll walk you!” Klaus offered, pulling you towards the door. _

_ You tried to pull your hand away moaning “ _ _ Nooo _ _ ” repeatedly. _

_ Just as you’d gotten your hand from his grip, you tripped and fell into a stool and stumbled out of the door, landing on your ass.  _

_ You sat there, stroppy and unmoving.  _

_ Klaus stood over you, offering his hand back out while stifling a laugh. _

_ “ _ _ S’not _ __ _ fffunny _ _..” You slurred, ungracefully getting up on your own.  _

_ Klaus came to stand in front of you and scooped you up into a piggy-back before you had a chance to complain about it. _

_ The walk home was quiet... _

_ Mostly. _

_ “Klaaaaauuuuss.” You whined as he turned the corner. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ It suddenly occurred to you. “You  _ _ dunno _ _ where I live.” Rubbing your eyes, you tried making sense of where you were. _

_ “ _ _ Wanna _ _ bet?” Klaus  _ _ challenged _ _. “You live like, 3 streets away.” _

_ “Why do you know that?” _

_ “I like to make sure you get home safe without actually walking with you. Except for tonight.  _ _ Tonight, _ _ you wouldn’t have made it past the door without me.” _

_ “ _ _ So _ _ you follow me home? Stalker.” You mumbled before tugging his hair gently, needing more of his attention. “Klaaaauuus!” _

_ “Shush! What?” _

_ “Why aren’t you as drunk as me? That makes me sad.” _

_ Klaus chuckled. “Trust me, I am. It’s just that I can still walk, talk and see straight unlike you. You’re just a mess.” _

_ You rested a cheek atop his head. “You’re a pretty boy, Klaus.” _

_ When he put you down at your front door, you fumbled in your pockets for your key and eventually, fell into your house. _

_ From what Klaus could make out in the dark, your house was surprisingly tidy. Everything seemed to have its place and the air inside vaguely smelled of incense. This wasn’t what he’d  _ _ expected at all. But  _ _ he kind _ _ of liked it. He turned around. _

_ “Okay, well I’m leav-” _

_ But you’d disappeared upstairs. _

_ “Y/N! I’m leaving now!” _

_ When you didn’t answer, Klaus made his way upstairs, being careful not to trip and fall flat on his face. Once at the top, he’d established which room was the bathroom, the other room was the spare room and he knocked on a door that could only have led to your room. _

_ “Do you need anything before I go?” Slowly, he pushed open the door expecting to find you passed out. Instead, he found you sat in your bra, one shoe on- one shoe off, crying your eyes out. Klaus turned his back quickly, not wanting to feel like he’d intruded on your privacy. He’d never really dealt with enough crying people to know quite what to do and his intoxicated brain struggled to think of anything remotely helpful. “ _ _ Doooo _ _...You  _ _ wanna _ _ talk about _ _ it _ _?” He asked slowly. _

_ “Do you even like me?” You sniffed. _

_ Klaus opened his mouth, closed it again, and then spoke. “What?” _

_ “It’s just...I look at you and sometimes I can’t stand you and other times I want to fuck you and sometimes I just want to hit you in the face. And you always hang out with me regardless, even when I don’t want you to. And I’m  _ _ confused.” _

_ Without turning around, Klaus giggled. “What about tonight? How do you feel about me tonight?” _

_ “Tonight...” You thought about it as best as you could. “Tonight, I want you to take off all your clothes and fuck me.” _

_Klaus quirked an eyebrow. “That could be arranged. What about_ your _clothes? Should I take those off, too?”_

_“Well obviously I want you to take_ my _clothes off too.”_

_ Throwing his hands up in defence, Klaus turned around. “Alright, Bossy Boots!” After a moment, he knew what he’d probably be in for. _

_ You scowled. “You think I won’t slap your face. But I will.” _

_ Slowly, Klaus crawled onto the end of the bed and towered over you on all fours. “ _ _ Oh _ _ I’m counting on it, sweetheart.” He winked. _

_ “It’s annoying. Stop it.” _

_ “Stop what? Bossy Boots?” _

_ You slapped his cheek as hard as your drunken, relaxed muscles would let you- which surprisingly, was harder than you'd expected. _

_ Klaus inhaled sharply with his eyes closed and took a moment to regain himself before staring back at you.  _

_ He could feel his heart race and you’d suddenly remembered that this was a weird turn-on for him. _

_ You giggled, kicking your lonely boot off underneath him. _

_ Neither of you had ever kissed before, let alone engaged in anything sexual together.  _

_ But without thinking, your lips collided in a drunk mess. _

_ Quickly, you flipped Klaus over, the pair of you almost falling off the bed. You sat on his hips, a knee either side of him. _

_ He looked up at you expectantly, a smirk playing about his handsome face. _

_ “Now what?” He teased. _

_ You hadn’t actually thought that far. _

_ Once more, your lips crashed together, your hands reaching up to pin his wrists down which only made him groan underneath you. _

_ When you pulled away, Klaus flashed you a wild grin and said something that both confused you and made you want to laugh at the same time. _

_ “Slap me again.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “Hit me. Across the face.” _

_ “Now who's bossy?” You countered. _

_ “You are.” He looked you dead in the eye and you did exactly as he asked. _

_ “You’re so hot.” He breathed. _

_ Turns out, the name Bossy Boots made for really great, aggressive sex. _


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

It had been months since Klaus’s appearance at the hospital. You both agreed it was good for you both to catch up for the few nights he’d stayed but upon leaving, he’d done a typical Klaus and cut off all contact with you.

You tried calling. You left countless messages. 

But nothing came  back.

Naturally, this made you nervous and riddled you with anxiety. As his best friend- probably his only friend, you were terrified for him. As a medical professional, you were  concerned about his health and wellbeing. 

This was Klaus all over. It wasn’t the first time he’d pulled a fast one on you but that never made it any less scary.

It wasn’t until you were curled up on your sofa on a rare day off re-reading your favourite book that your phone buzzed. You didn’t recognise the number. Your heart sank.

“Hello?”

“Miss Y/N?”

It took a moment for you to recognise the voice and you weren’t sure if you felt relieved or twice as worried as before.

“Pogo?”

Pogo had told you that Klaus was about as fine as he could be. You knew he was alive, at least. But he was worried that Klaus was shutting down. After realising he had nowhere to go upon being discharged, he’d wandered back to the  Hargreeves mansion and made himself back at home as though he’d never left. 

Part of you was annoyed about this. You were glad that Klaus had gone somewhere safe but you couldn’t believe that he thought he really didn’t have anywhere to go but the place that had caused him so much childhood trauma. 

You agreed when Pogo invited you over to talk some sense into him.

* * * * *

Slowly, you approached the gates of the Umbrella Academy mansion nervously. It had been a long time since you’d seen Pogo. The last time you saw him, you were in just as much of a state as Klaus; high off your face and wasted to the point of barely being able to stand. Frequently, Klaus would bring you home and you’d bypass Pogo, offering him what you thought was a ‘hello’, and turned out to be whatever you could mumble at the time. Similarly, you’d never met any of his siblings. You knew plenty about them and you were sure they knew plenty about you, you’d just never had the opportunity to meet them.

You knocked the door apprehensively. 

To your relief,  Pogo answered. He smiled, as if it hadn’t been over four years since he’d seen each other.

“You look well, Y/N.”

You returned the smile and followed him indoors. 

“Thank you, Pogo. It’s been a long time since I saw you last.”

Pogo hummed in agreement and gestured for you to sit down. “Can I get you anything?” 

You realised you hadn’t looked after yourself properly for a few days. Even on your current day  off you’d barely eaten. Work had been a nightmare what with taking patients from the agency nurses and underlying stress from Klaus’s entrance taking an extra toll whenever you had to take on a newcomer in A&E under similar conditions.

“I’d really just appreciate a glass of water.”

In  Pogo’s brief absence, you overheard shouting from the far end of hallway above you. You were fairly sure one of the voices was Klaus. The other one you couldn’t quite place but you imagined it was one of his brothers. Torn, you wanted to  intervene but you felt it best to wait around. Afterall, this wasn’t your home.

It wasn’t long before a tanned, built man came storming down the main staircase opening out in front of the sofa you were currently sat on. He paused.

You noticed an old scar on his right cheek from what most likely would have been a knife wound.

_ Diego _ . You thought, smiling politely at him.

Pogo re-entered, placing your glass on the table. “Oh, Master Diego. This is Miss Y/N.” 

“Klaus’s drug friend.” Diego said. He  didn't look too happy about your presence now that he’d figured out who you were.

You cleared your throat, trying to ignore the rising tension in the room. “That was a long time ago. I’m actually an ER Doctor now...” Your cheeks burned, feeling hotter than you’d have preferred. 

Diego eyed you carefully, a  neutral expression remained on his face.

The only response he gave was a flat “Huh” before heading off out, spinning a knife into his belt.

You sipped your water quietly. Pogo watched you for a moment.

“I’m impressed.” He finally said with a soft smile.

“How so?” You asked.

“You’ve come a long way since I saw you last. That’s something to be proud of.”

You blushed and smiled in return. You were incredibly proud of how far you’d come. The road wasn’t easy but you knew there would be plenty of hard work to put in.

“Thank you, Pogo. I am proud. It’s a difficult job and it’s not always enjoyable.” 

Subconsciously you picked at the skin on your thumb wondering whether to elaborate on that point or not.

“I imagine not.” Pogo pondered.

“Not when it feels like most of your patients are all being brought in with drug problems. It gets too much sometimes,  ya know? Not all of them can be saved. How do you tell someone who thinks they’re  invincible that they’re not?”

Pogo let out a gentle sigh and rose to his feet. He began heading in the direction of the stairs and you took that as your cue to follow him. “You care deeply for Master Klaus.”

You knew he meant this as a statement rather than a question. 

“We’ve been through a lot together. And even though he rejects my help time and time again, I can’t ignore him when he changes his mind. I can't stop picking him up when he falls down. It’s not an easy thing to do.”

You turned down a corridor with torn red and green wallpaper; the wooden boards underneath barely holding together. The walls were still lined with old, ripped posters and signs. It wasn’t a hard guess that no one had lived along here for years although passing each room, there was still an essence of each Umbrella Academy child. You looked on in wonder, curiosity urging you to ask so many questions but you forced them back.

Pogo noticed this.

“Occasionally one of the children will still come back. I like to think they want to touch base from time to time.”

“You’ve been good to them, Pogo. Of course they'd want to come back and see you."

Pogo stopped outside a closed, splintered door. You felt your heart somersault in your chest.

“I wished we could help him, Miss Y/N. But it seems you’re the only one who can fix this.”

A tiny bit of you wished it wasn’t true but you knew too well you couldn’t hide from the truth. 

After what felt like forever, Pogo left you to push the door open to Klaus’s room on your own. For a split second, you didn’t recognise the man sat crossed legged on the furthest corner of the bed. Klaus looked worse than you’d ever seen him in a long time.

You felt sorry for him. You were angry with him. You wanted to scream until he saw just how much his own actions hurt the people around him too. But there wasn’t any point. You weren’t even sure Klaus had heard you come in until he looked up and acknowledged you wordlessly, carefully eyeing you. 

He cracked his knuckles and took a deep breath.

“Are you going to do this standing up?” He asked.

The cold greeting stung you more than you dared to admit. You supposed you shouldn’t have expected anything less from him in this state.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “Are you going to let me sit down?”

Klaus shrugged, too. 

You took that as a yes and pulled out the chair from under his desk, debating whether you should have just sat on the end of the bed. You were going to be in for the long haul.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If your music taste varies as wildly as mine does, see if you can spot the multiple song references. I'll point them out at the end. They inspired this chapter hugely and seem to be fuelling the story.
> 
> As always- Enjoy!

You sat and observed the broken man on the bed opposite you; tired, sweaty and barely awake enough to be present in the moment.

He fidgeted, cracking his knuckles every few minutes and taking yet another sweeping look around the room as though there were other people joining you.

Every so often, he’d giggle and a sickening grin would make his lips curl but it almost seemed an effort to do so. 

“ Ya know...” He finally spoke. “It feels like- It sounds crazy...”

“Nothing sounds crazy.” You assured him.

For a moment, you both locked eyes. For moment his face was serious and for a moment, he had a glimmer of faith in you once again.

“It feels like I’m on fire.” A scrawny hand ran its way through dark unruly hair and his name tag slipped down his tanned wrist.

Silence.

“Why are you here?”

You smiled because  _ here  _ was a glorious place to be sat. The Umbrella Academy mansion was a wonderful building and it intimidated you just being sat in Klaus’s old bedroom.

“Pogo asked me to come.”

Klaus scoffed.

“He thought seeing a familiar face might make you feel better.” You tried. 

Klaus gestured to the room; the house surrounding him. “I’m unfortunate enough to have been forced back into seeing my family. That’s enough familiar faces for the time being.”

“I can always leave.” You made headway for the door.

“ Oh so that’s it is it? You’re giving up already? I thought this might have lasted longer.”

Your blood began to boil. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes and you willed them not to fall because right now, Klaus did not deserve them. He didn’t get to see you act weak. Before you could even give yourself a moment to think you slammed his door shut with as much force as you could muster and span on your heel, making Klaus jump.

“Why are you such a jerk? I’m trying to fucking help you! It’s been six months, Klaus. Six goddamn months since we’ve seen each other because –and don’t forget- you're the one who cut me off in the first place and the first time you see me you’re fucking cold and acting like none of this even matters? Help me out here because I’m just trying to remember the part where any of this was okay!”

You couldn’t believe it. You were angry at yourself for expecting this to go way smoother. You should have expected nothing less from a drug addict. From  _ this  _ drug addict of all people.

“Oh great!” Klaus jumped off the bed. “Another lecture!  Ya know, if you’re here to just kick me when I’m down then don’t bother sticking around. I don’t have to listen to this.” He dug deep into his pockets for a cigarette, pushing open the window to light it. He leaned out onto the ledge and took a long, much needed drag not bothering to make eye contact with you or even so much as look in your direction.

You almost wanted to scream and pull your hair out. After so many years of trying to fix your best friend, it never got any less exhausting and you wondered yet again, would it ever stop? Would there ever be a time when you gave up trying to put all of his pieces back together. It was just like you had said to Pogo;  _ how do you tell someone who thinks they’re invincible that they’re not? _

From outside you could hear the sirens of a police car wailing through the backstreets of the city. On any other day this wouldn’t have bothered you but right now it seemed that the more infuriated you got, the louder the sirens cried. 

The pressure from your slowly growing headache felt like it was crushing the sides of your skull. For a long time, Klaus had been the only person that had ever mattered to you and it killed you to see him so act so callous when only 6 months ago he was admitting that he couldn’t do any of this without you. 

“Klaus  Hargreeves ! Sit the fuck down. I have some things to say and like it or not you’re going to fucking listen, alright?” You credited yourself for trying to keep your tone level though you could feel it teetering over the edge and you knew that with any next sentence, that could change.

Klaus smirked and cocked his head in your direction. For a moment, for a split second, you saw some of the old Klaus and you felt like this could work.

“ Oh there you are, Boots.” He raised an eyebrow and took another drag. “I was beginning to wonder where you’d got to. You know I hate it when you talk to me like I'm just another one of your patients. I thought maybe the little Y/N I knew had gotten lost in there somewhere.” He waved his cigarette in your direction. “I’m glad you found her again.”

“Don’t test me, Klaus.” You said carefully. 

He stubbed his cigarette out under his  bear foot before tucking his hands into the pocket of his jacket and turning his gaze back to the view outside the window. A few moments of silence passed between you while you watched Klaus collect his thoughts. 

“I’ve decided...” He mused. “I’m really good at taking one good thing, and somehow managing to fuck it all up almost immediately. Take you for example, Boots.”

“Me?”

“Just when I get you back, just when you forgive me another time, I go and screw it all up again in one night.”

“I’ve never forgiven you, Klaus.” You admitted. 

This threw Klaus. He stilled. Perhaps it wasn’t the response he was expecting. Or perhaps he’d known all along but wasn’t ready for you to say it out loud. 

Much quieter this time, “Really?”

You nodded. “I’m always here for you and I’m sick of telling you but I can’t just keep forgiving you every time you go and ruin yourself. It’s really not that easy.”

Irritated, Klaus rolled his eyes and pushed the window back down with enough force to make it slam. “Well you know what? Fine, okay, I hurt myself sometimes. Is that too scary for you?”

“Yes, actually!  Yes it is and you know it!” You cried.

“It’s my goddamn life, Y/N! I’ll take it if I want!” 

“Then what’s the point of me helping you if those are the  things you’re going to say to me? Klaus, it doesn’t have to be like this!”

Klaus laughed bitterly. “I spend so much of my life wasting time with people I don’t  like, I don’t sleep and I drown myself in alcohol. That shit doesn’t help but I still wake up and do it all again the next day. Why do you care so much?”

“You take drugs to let go and  _ I get it.  _ But if you’re like this then figure it all out on your own!”

“Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of my time taking pills at gravestones because sometimes it’s just too fucking noisy from the other side! My head is so loud all the time! That’s something you’ll never get.  _ Why  _ is it bothering you so much all of a sudden?” He repeated the question and it angered you more that he even thought to ask at all.

“Jesus Christ Klaus! Because-”  _ I love you.  _ The words didn’t quite make it to your lips. You stopped them in enough time to spare yourself the embarrassment but you couldn’t think of anything else to say. You hadn’t expected your true feelings for him to surface again so quickly.

Klaus didn’t speak but when you finally looked at him again, his eyes were pleading with you to finish your sentence. It was then that you knew this was all a front. He never had any intention of ending his life. Klaus was just angry and hurt and helpless and just like every other  time, you were ready to glue him back together.

Klaus sighed. “I choose pain over you. Every single time.”

“I know.” You whispered and you saw him wince the tiniest bit. He knew he’d hurt you more than ever this time. 

“You’re never  gonna get it, Y/N. I’m a hazard to myself so I’ll break it to you easy; This is hell. I’m literally in hell.”

Mentally you cursed when you had discovered that the tears you were holding back had long since rolled down your cheeks. There was nothing else left for you to say and it felt like you hadn’t progressed any further forward.

“Come home with me, Klaus.” Your voice cracked as you tried to hold back a sob.

Klaus let out a deep breath he wasn’t aware he was holding and took a good long look around his room. He was trying to decide if it was a good idea but he supposed anywhere was better than staying any longer in the building he hated most. Part of him nearly began to rifle through his draws to pull out all the hidden stashes to bring with him but he thought better of it. If he was going to accept your help again then he wanted to go cold. For real this time.

Silently, he nodded.

“Yeah?” You asked hopefully.

“Yeah. Okay.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Klaus outstretched his tattooed arms and you let out a relieved laugh, pulling him into you. He smelled sweaty and vaguely of his aftershave but none of that mattered. This was the Klaus you remembered. The Klaus you’d danced with after one too many shots in one too many clubs.

He pulled away and pressed his damp forehead to yours. 

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- "Kick me when I'm down" Was a quick cheeky reference to that exact song by Sleeping with Sirens.  
> \- Most of the argument was inspired by I Think I'm Okay by Machine Gun Kelly & YUNGBLUD. If you know this song then it would have been screamingly obvious haha!  
> \- "I choose pain over you" was a brief reference to Monster by Walking on Cars.  
> \- "I'm a hazard to myself..." And the rest of that sentence was a reference to We Don't Have To Dance by Andy Black.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to keep writing but I start back at work again tomorrow and I've got crazy hours for the next few months. Please be patient with me. But in the mean time, I hope you're still enjoying!
> 
> xoxo

Klaus hadn’t stopped anxiously bouncing his knee since you’d gotten in the car that afternoon. He picked the skin on his thumb as he stared out of the window, pretending neither of you could cut the tension between you with a knife. You’d noticed that once or twice he’d opened his mouth to speak with a trying smile on his face but then thought better of it when you didn’t bother acknowledging him.

You were still angry but truthfully, you just didn’t have the energy to express it and the last thing Klaus needed was another lecture.

You took a deep breath and took your chance. “Listen-”

“-I’m sorry.” Klaus panicked.

“No, Klaus-”

“-It’s been hard without you...”

“What?”

Another silence settled quickly between you. Klaus hadn’t ever planned to tell you how he’d been feeling about you for the time that you’d known each other and having finally said it felt like a breakthrough.

You glanced over at him from the corner of your eye, at the tag around his wrist. You felt your heart wrench at the sheer thought of him being in so much pain on his own.

But he noticed.

He snatched his hand away and tugged his sleeve over his hand. There was so much you wanted to say but there just weren’t the right words to say how you really felt.

“Stop it.” He finally said.

“Stop what?”

“Feeling sorry for me.” Klaus shifted in his seat so he didn’t have to face you at all.

"I don’t feel sorry for you.” You lied.

Klaus scoffed. “Yeah, okay.”

You ignored him and as you changed gear. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for him and this annoyed you all the more because the last thing Klaus needed was sympathy. He’d always hated people feeling sorry for him. 

“I don’t understand...” You tried skipping back to what he’d said the first time. You never even considered that Klaus may have had feelings for you; never thought that the amount of time you’d spent together over the years could have ever led to something. But even as your heart screamed at you to do something about it, your head knew better. 

“You heard what I said.” Klaus said bluntly. This may have stung you if it wasn’t for the light blush sprinkled across his cheeks when you looked over at him. 

Briefly you smiled and mentally you put a pin in that conversation to remember for another time. Once you’d pulled up outside your house, Klaus climbed out the car, dragging his bag along the floor with him and went straight the spare key under your door mat. You quirked an eyebrow as you watched him and it warmed your heart to know that he was already making himself at home.

“How many times have I told you?” He asked, unlocking your door, “You shouldn’t leave your spare key under your mat. That’s the most obvious place for anyone to find it.”

“Sorry,  _ dad _ . I’ll be sure to move it.” You teased. “It won’t stay under there much longer anyway. It’s all yours.” 

Klaus turned around in the middle of your living room and smiled gratefully. You watched him try and think of something to say other than a standard ‘thank you’ but instead he said, “I see you’ve rearranged.” 

“Careful, you’ll put Sherlock Holmes out of a job.” You smiled, heading for the kitchen. “You hungry?”

“Yeah but I’m  gonna take a shower.”

When you turned around to respond, Klaus was already halfway up the stairs. You followed him up and found him stood at your dressing table with a photo frame in his hand. It was probably your favourite photo of you two together. In fact, it was probably the only photo you had of you together.

_ Klaus was stood on a rocky cliff, arms spread wide, the sun slowly rising behind him. This was your favourite spot out in the country. _

_ “Do you ever feel like you could just take on the world?” He’d asked.  _

_ You didn’t agree. After all, you were having another bad mental health night and the whole reason you ended up here was because Klaus refused to leave you alone unless you left your house with him to clear your head so naturally, you didn’t feel like you could take on the world in that moment.  _ _ However _ _ you did agree that the scenery was always beautiful at the top of this cliff no matter what time of day it was. _

_ “I want to take a picture.” You’d said, messing with the timer on your phone and balancing your phone in the thickets of a bush just so you could join the picture. _

_ 5 _

_ You jogged back towards Klaus. _

_ 4  _

_ “Can I pose?” Klaus asked. _

_ 3 _

_ “Does it matter?” You countered. _

_ 2 _

_ You hopped up onto the rock, foot slipping,  _ _ consequently _ _ landing right on your ass. Both of you burst into a fit of giggles. _

_ 1 _

_ Picture taken _

“I miss this.” Klaus smiled over at you. “I miss us.”

You hummed. “Yeah...I miss that morning, too.”

A few moments of silence passed between you. 

“Hey, would you mind if I had some time alone?” Klaus began heading back to the spare room. 

“Let me know if you  need anything.” You watched him go and sighed. 

It was probably time you got ready for bed anyway. You had  work the next day.

* * * * * 

You weren’t sure if you were dreaming. Maybe it was just some people fighting outside. After all, it was a Saturday night and the nightlife  was probably coming to an end by now. 

You waited a little longer, even turned a few times to see if you could ignore it but it seemed to get louder every time. Huffing, you threw the covers off and opened your curtains to see what the hell was going on outside.

Nothing.

Nothing at all was happening out on the street. There was a cat on the neighbour’s wall busy preening itself but that didn’t seem to making very much noise. For a brief few moments, the noise had bypassed and in your sleepy, dazed state, you’d suddenly remembered that Klaus was in your house.

You checked the spare room but the bed was empty and so you headed downstairs.

The further down the stairs you were, the louder the noises started up again.

“Klaus?” You pushed open the door to your living room. You couldn’t see too much in the dark but enough to notice that there was no Klaus anywhere to be seen. You asked again, "Klaus?"

“Make it stop. Please.”

Turning on your light, you noticed Klaus sat in the far corner of your living room with his knees hugged to his chest. His hair was dripping, stuck to his forehead and his skin was shiny with sweat. He looked up at you, his eyes trying to adjust to the lights and his hands trembled as he rubbed them desperately.

You rushed to him, pressing a hand to his sweaty forehead. “Klaus what happened?” He was cold to the touch yet the sweat wouldn’t stop dripping from under his dark curls.

“They’re everywhere.” He whimpered as you wrapped a blanket around his shoulders.

You clasped his hands in yours, trying to stop him from pulling his own hair out.

Frantically, his eyes searched the room for something, anything that wasn’t really there. Not to you, anyway.

“I just-” he panted, exhausted by himself “I just want them to stop screaming my name. I’m so tired.”

You understood.  Of course you did; you’d known him for far too long to understand the mental torture he was going through when he hadn’t had a fix for over 12 hours. 

“Tell them, Klaus.”

“I tried. I’m just too tired.” He arms trembled under your grip and he let out a heavy sigh. He rubbed his eyes, suddenly ignoring the mess of emotions he felt and looked up blankly, “I need a smoke.”

You watched as he hauled himself up with the last of his energy to pick up his packet of cigarettes on the way out to your back garden. His shorts hung loosely around his bony hips and almost dared to slip down when he stepped out into the cold night air.

Klaus sat on the step and inhaled a  much needed drag of nicotine.

_ God  _ how you’d missed watching the smoke leave his lips as he gazed out to nothing in particular ahead of him, how his warm breath collided with the misty air; how once upon a time you’d have shivered in your vest, skirt and fishnets as you  hurriedly tried to finish your own cheap roll-up. When Klaus would look down at you and chuckle because all you wanted to do was head back into the hot and sweaty club to warm your insides with more alcohol, but he was happy to stand in the cold just a little longer, so in a bid to get you to stay he’d pull you closer to his chest because neither of you had a jacket and the best thing to do was ‘huddle together for warmth’, right? 

“You’ll catch a cold out here.” You smiled softly, sitting down next to him, handing him his hoodie.

“I’m used to it.” He replied bluntly. Then, “but thank you.” He slipped it over his head anyway, ruffling his hair afterwards. “Sorry.” He added.

You shook your head. “Don’t be. No one said going sober was easy, right?”

“Yeah but are you prepared for this,” he  sort of waved about himself “almost every night?”

“I’m prepared for whatever you throw at me, Klaus. You don’t have to apologise for it.”

He offered you his cigarette and you pushed his hand back towards him. He raised his eyebrows partly out of curiosity and partly out of surprise. 

“You don’t even  _ smoke  _ anymore? You’ve changed.”

You chuckled. “Not really. Wait till you’ve been here a week or so and you'll realise I’m still mostly the me you met the first time.”

Klaus stubbed out his cigarette and eyed you carefully for a moment. “Oh, really?”

Was this it? 

He inched closer to you. Slowly, ever so slowly.

You could hear your heartbeat in your head and you could have sworn the outdoor temperature had risen dramatically because you refused to believe your body was reacting this way all on its own. There was nothing more you wanted. Nothing more than to tell him, to  _ show  _ him how you really felt. God knows it had been a long time coming but was this really the right moment?

Did it matter?

Your thoughts were too clouded to think straight. He was so close.  _ Too  _ close. 

You reached out, delicately running your hand along his stubble.

“You’ll have to show me some other time.” Klaus  murmured . 

Your senses snapped back to you. “What?”

Klaus stood up and swiftly headed back inside as if 15 minutes previously he wasn’t having a major breakdown. “Psych.”

“I- I don’t...What the  _ fuck  _ is going on?” Following suit, you headed back inside, locking the doors behind you. You couldn’t have been more confused and if you had to admit, a bit disappointed.

“You wish you could have me that easily.” Klaus smirked, heading back up to his bedroom.

Your jaw dropped as you stared at him from the bottom of the stairs. “You’re a dick.”

“I know.” He chimed over his shoulder.

You climbed the stairs and stood in his door way, watching as he snuggled himself back under the covers. 

“Was any of that real? Did you just pretend to have a breakdown for my attention?” Part of you felt a bit disgusted if that was the case.

Klaus frowned. “ Oh that was real, for sure. I just had to learn to recover quickly. How do you think I’ve been coping this whole time, Y/N?”

You blinked on silently for a minute. “Um...You haven’t?”

“You’re right.” Klaus sighed. “But for reals, I’d never fake that. You  know that right?”

You rolled your eyes with a slight smile playing about your lips, closing the door behind you.

“Goodnight, Klaus.”

“Goodnight!”

_ I love you. _

You told yourself that you really had to stop saying that in your head before it costed you a whole mountain of new problems.


	6. 6

Your shift on this particular day had been the heaviest you’d had in a long time. You had no intention of talking about it but you could feel tears brimming your eyes. The last thing you needed was a breakdown. 

You unlocked the front door and a warm, welcoming smell greeted you. You couldn’t quite place your finger on it but it was definitely the smell of something cooking and it smelled great. Quickly, you hung your things up by the door, took your hair down from the bun it had been pinned in so tightly in all day and rubbed your eyes. 

Time to put on a brave face. 

“Klaus?” 

“Hey!” He was splayed across your sofa nursing a cup of what appeared to be- 

Was that _coffee_? 

“Did you cook today?” You raised an enquiring eyebrow. Both of these things were beginning to look like a new Klaus. 

He nodded. “Yeah I made dinner. I figured you work so hard; you deserve a night off.” 

The sheer thought of something so simple; someone doing something so nice for you, had you teetering so close to the edge of tears that you had to take a moment just to breathe before putting on another smile. 

“That’s really sweet of you Klaus, thank you. What is it?” You headed for the kitchen and Klaus jumped up from his seat. 

“Don’t look!” He called after you. “It’s a surprise!” 

If you were being honest, you didn’t even know if you were hungry. You didn’t know if you needed food, coffee or heck an entire bottle of wine, even. You weren’t sure if you wanted to just cry it all out in the shower or repress it all and sleep through till your next shift which wasn’t for another two days. 

Klaus padded through behind you and propped himself against the door. He watched on as you stared mindlessly at the kettle, not actually doing anything with it as though you were expecting it to boil on its own. 

“You seem off...What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” You cut him short and even your own tone stung you a little. 

“Is it me? Did I do something? Is it something I _didn’t_ do?” 

“NO!” You whined. “Not everything is always about you! You didn’t do anything wrong, you did everything just right! Not everything is always your fault!” 

For a moment, Klaus considered approaching you but thought better of it. 

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t deserve that and you knew it. 

Klaus tried to smile but it was a pained one. 

“Why don’t you shower or something? You might feel better.” 

You agreed pitifully and made headway for the shower. 

Admittedly, the hot water running down your back, burning right through to your muscles felt good. Too good. You vaguely wondered if you could have the water at scolding point, would it have made a difference? Would you even have felt it? Was it just going to be another one of those nights where there was nothing left to do but uncontrollably cry because what was the point anymore? Your job wasn’t going to continue to be the job for you if you couldn’t handle the hard end of it. If all you did every other night was drink yourself into a miserable slumber all for what? 

You’d worked so hard, come from nothing and got so far and yet watching people die day in day out still beat you down at the end because so far, for the most part, they’d all been just like Klaus. 

“Hey...” A soft knock came at the door. 

You quickly came to, realising you’d been pouring your eyes out under the running water. 

“You’re doing an awful lot of crying in there...Like, I can hear you downstairs...” 

Klaus warmed your heart. 

“I’ll be out soon.” You answered. And then, “I’m just not having a good day.” 

“Well it’s a good job I prepared in advance.” Klaus chirped. 

When you eventually took your tired body downstairs, you were met with Klaus holding an entire bottle of wine and a glass in your direction. 

“I didn’t know if you wanted a glass or maybe just a straw?” He waved the glass around questionably and you took it gratefully. 

“A glass is perfect, Klaus.” 

Klaus had cooked a stew for you that night; he said it reminded him of when their mother used to cook for them and their father, Hargreeves, had insisted it had every vitamin and nutrient they needed to be strong fighting kids. But Klaus ate it because he said their mother always added love and affection and it was his favourite meal. 

Much to your surprise, it was better than any stew you’d ever made for yourself. It reminded you of woolly jumpers on winter nights in front of your burning fire watching a premature Christmas movie with hot chocolate to follow. The kind of night where you’d listen to the rain thrash against your window when it as mid-storm and you’d laugh at the unfortunate passers-by who were running through it to their next destination while you were sat on the comfort of your sofa. 

Klaus watched you eat hungrily with a smugness about his face. 

You looked up at him as you began to sip what was left from your bowl. “What?” 

“Something tells me you don’t often feed yourself properly.” 

You shrugged. It was true but it wasn’t a conversation for now. Besides, you spent nearly every hour of your life at work, who could blame you for not wanting to cook after a long shift? 

“Mostly I’m surprised at how well you can cook. You’re all...I don’t know, is domesticated the right word?” 

Klaus snorted. “Like a cat? Hey look, I can be domesticated. I have _some_ redeeming qualities and cooking is one of them. I used to like watching Mom.” 

This made you smile. The thought of little Klaus lowkey watching their Mother cook from the far end of the kitchen because he didn’t want to seem too uncool by looking too interested. 

You took the dishes into the kitchen to wash up as Klaus resumed his position sprawled across the sofa. There was still so much you wanted to talk to him about and you were sensing that he felt the same but neither of you knew where to start and you both continued to ignore it all once more. 

The next few moments were quiet for the most part until you began to whistle a tune that had been stuck in your head for a while which made Klaus perk up. 

“I haven't heard that since we were 19.” 

You smiled vaguely and sat on the floor against the sofa with your back to him when you were done. “You used to play it on your stereo when you were sad. You remind me of that lately.” 

Klaus went quiet again. 

You weren’t even annoyed that he hadn’t moved his legs from the other seat for you to sit on. It had always been a thing for him to be able to speak more freely if you weren’t looking directly at him. Besides, he was occupying himself by playing with your hair. 

A few more moments passed as the air thickened. 

“I just thought...” 

You took a sip of your wine and waited patiently for him to finish his sentence. 

“I thought I could do it without you.” 

“Last night?” 

Klaus nodded. “Last night. 6 months ago. This whole time.” 

You rolled your eyes but you weren’t really that annoyed. “I literally told you from the off that you really-” 

“-Don’t need to. _I know_.” 

“Then why are you choosing to make your life difficult?” 

Klaus’s fingers delicately weaved small plaits into your hair while he thought about what he was going to say next. You’d have been lying if you said it wasn’t relaxing you to the point of near sleep. 

“I just wanted to see if I could. I did 19 years of my life pretty much on my own then suddenly you appeared and turned everything upside down. I didn’t know my life could get any more confusing.” 

“I was a shitty human.” You admitted, thinking back to your early drug days of first meeting Klaus. 

“Yeah.” Klaus chuckled. “But you turned out to be _my_ shitty human.” 

Wait... _What?_ What was going on here? 

“We were both shitty people.” Klaus continued. “But you were the only person that ever gave a crap about me.” 

“I mean...” You could feel your cheeks burning. Was this Klaus telling you how he felt? You couldn’t be sure. You didn’t want to say the wrong thing just in case you were overthinking. “You didn’t really give me much of a choice.” 

Klaus smiled and gently ran his fingers through all the braids he’d made in your hair to loosen them back out. “You know it wasn’t like that.” 

This was it. You had to say something. You shuffled yourself around to face him. “Klaus, you should know...” Should know what? You had no idea how you were going to finish that sentence and you were panicking but before you could even finish; 

“Do you wanna do something tomorrow?” 

He cut your flow of thoughts off suddenly. “What?...Yes. _But._..What?” 

Klaus shrugged. “I don’t know. Nothing too exciting. We could just get coffee.” 

You shook your head. “That’s not what I meant when I said _what_.” 

“I know.” He smiled and made way for the stairs. 

“Coffee sounds...” But he was already gone. “Great.” 

Boy was Klaus taking you on a rollercoaster the last few nights. 

Heaving a long sigh, you decided you should probably head for bed. Today had been heavy and exhausting and you’d been struggling to keep your eyes open for some time, anyway. 

* * * * * 

Your shirt was damp with sweat as you tossed and turned through your nightmare. No matter how many times you tried to call out, no more than whimper left your lips. Your cheeks were wet with the tears that wouldn’t stop falling because no matter how much you tried to help, it made everything worse. There was nothing to grab onto. 

There was no one left. 

Everyone was hurt. 

It was all your fault. 

“Y/N.” 

Klaus called your name but you didn’t wake. 

“Y/N, it’s just a bad dream. Wake up.” He’d heard you crying across the hall and there was no way in hell he was going to leave you on your own. 

Klaus’s voice wormed its way into your subconscious and even though you still couldn’t wake up, you managed to reach out and twist his shirt in your fists. 

Sobs built in your chest but you just weren’t awake enough to cry properly which only made it harder to breathe. 

Klaus pulled you closer to him and enveloped you in his arms, brushing your hair out of your face. 

Your eyes snapped open and you inhaled deeply to stop yourself from hyperventilating. Tears stung your eyes and you sat up hoping to breathe easier. 

“Hey. Look at me.” Klaus’s voice was soft. “It's not real, okay?” 

You nodded but _God_ you felt so pathetic. 

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” 

You shook your head and got out of bed to grab the glass of water from your dressing table. Of course, you knew it wasn’t real. But that didn’t change how you felt. 

Klaus followed you over and wrapped his arms around you from behind. The gesture surprised you at first but you relaxed into him as he rested his chin on your head. 

You stared at the two if you in the mirror quietly for a little while before you just couldn’t resist anymore. 

“Klaus?” 

“Hm?” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

For a moment, Klaus didn’t respond and you thought you’d really screwed everything up. Eventually he let out a soft laugh and turned you around with his hands on your hips. 

“I wondered when you were gonna ask.” 

You huffed through your nose. “You’ve been winding me up for days, Klaus. You could have easily made the first move.” 

“I could have.” Klaus countered and then with a lower tone, “But that would have been no fun.” He rested his hand gently on your cheek. 

You tip-toed and pressed your lips against his. He tasted like cigarettes and normally with any other man at any other time you’d have complained but right here, right now, with Klaus, you didn’t care. 

His lips were warm and slightly chapped. His eyes fluttered closed and he inhaled deeply as his hand moved to the back of your head; fingers softly tugging your hair. 

Butterflies were going crazy in your stomach and your heart was beating ten to the dozen. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes because you were just so happy to finally be in this moment. 

Klaus kissed you deeply yet so carefully. Like every hand movement, every breath taken, every position change was made just for you. 

You pulled away to speak but the words caught in your throat. 

Klaus brushed away a stray tear from your cheek and frowned. “What’s wrong? It’s okay, we can stop. I can stop.” He took a step away from you, worried he’d done something wrong and you soon pulled him back again. 

“No. I-” You took a moment to get your head together. “I just never realised how much I needed you before now.” 

Klaus smiled and your lips reconnected. 

_This._ You Thought. _Has been a long time coming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to say I'm so sorry for not updating anything in so long. I feel like I live at my job. I work behind a hotel bar and obviously for those of you that live in the UK, you know the government have no idea what to do with us given the current pandemic so my hours are just so long. Secondly I want to say thank you to everyone who has been leaving Kudos and comments & adding to their collections and to those who have been just reading. It all means so much.  
> Please keep persevering with me. Updates will be few and far between but I'm far from giving up with this. I have ideas stored on my phone so don't worry, more will come in time!  
> Hope you're still enjoying!  
> xoxo


	7. 7

Klaus’s nerves vibrated from him so much that they were almost visible. His arms trembled under the weight of himself as he tried to hold himself up above you. You didn’t want to laugh. You could see that he was really trying his best here but you didn’t expect anything of him and that was exactly Klaus’s problem; he thought you were expecting the world and that’s all he ever wanted to give you. 

His breathing very nearly became the only sound in the room save for the TV on quietly in the background. You were only kissing but you could have sworn you could hear his heart pounding from his chest. Or maybe that was just your own heart and your own nerves starting to override your otherwise composed self. 

You cracked and pushed Klaus away gently. 

“What’s funny?” Klaus asked. 

“Klaus I promise, we really don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to.” You said with an amused smile. 

“I do want to!” Klaus protested. “I mean...Obviously only if you do too.” 

“Well yeah but you’re shaking so much I’m scared you’re gonna pass out or something. Have you forgotten we always used to do this?” 

Klaus rolled his eyes. “No. But we were usually drunk and I’m pretty sure we were just winging it the whole time.” 

You hummed in agreement before looking him in the eyes. “Look, there’s really no pressure. We’ve both definitely had sober sex before, right? Even if it was with someone else."

An awkward pause came between you both while you tried to figure out the truth from one another’s faces without actually saying anything. 

“No?” You continued. “Cool...Okay.” 

Klaus shifted his weight and sat on the edge of the bed. “I just wanted to actually enjoy it, ya know? Be more present for the moment instead of not being able to remember it the next morning.” 

You crawled up behind him and leaned over his shoulder, exhaling slowly. Klaus’s breath caught in his throat when he felt your warm breath against his bare shoulder. 

God you felt so smug. 

“Klaus.” You pressed your lips against his neck, but barely. “Whatever you want.” You did it again and Klaus closed his eyes, visibly relaxing. “Whatever you want.” You repeated. 

“You.” Klaus said quickly. Almost too quickly. For a second it caught you off guard but before you could even respond, Klaus turned around and pushed you down onto your back to straddle you once more. 

It happened so quickly that it caused you to shriek followed by a laugh and Klaus joined you in laughing. 

Klaus’s lips were against your neck and his hands wandered up your shirt. You gasped at his feather-light touches as his fingertips grazed every inch of your upper half. 

Somehow you felt nervous. Klaus had seen you naked before but you weren’t sure if he’d even paid much attention during your drunken shenanigans so suddenly this felt new for you. 

Klaus’s grabbed the hem of your shirt and you let him tug it over your head. Both of you paused as you lay in your mismatching underwear underneath him with your nightshirt now on the floor across the room. The silence became a bit too much and you started to feel uncomfortable. 

“Klaus stop staring. It’s getting weird.” 

“Sorry I- You look different...” He finally said. 

You weren’t sure if this made you feel better or worse or just self-conscious at this point and Klaus noticed this. 

“Not in a bad way. I just meant...You look better.” 

You raised your eyebrows questioningly. “Better?” 

“Fine. Less like a junkie and actually healthy. Does that sound better?” Klaus laughed slightly and you couldn’t help but smile as you felt your face redden. 

“You’re shit with words, Klaus.” 

Klaus shrugged and his lips reconnected with your skin from your collarbones all the way down to your hip bones. 

You laced your fingers into his hair, giving it gentle tugs whenever he’d nip at the softer parts of you. This felt so good, so intimate and you hadn't realised how much you’d been dying to feel this way for so long. 

Klaus crawled his way back up to you and he reached his hands underneath you to unclip your bra. You slipped your arms from under the straps and threw it to the floor before reaching your hand down to Klaus’s boxers. 

He breathed heavily, watching you with hungry eyes as you palmed his erection slowly. An elicit moan escaped his throat and you noticed that he blushed when you looked back up at him. 

Over the years you’d witnessed Klaus become desperate for various things. You’d seen him beg for things he needed so badly but this was different. Now, you could see, _feel_ that Klaus was desperate for you. But you could also see that he was willing to be patient. It was obvious that he was itching to go straight for it but he was trying hard to hold himself back and savour every moment with you. 

Gently, you dragged your nails upwards along his ribs before pulling him closer to you to reconnect your lips. Your kisses were languid and meaningful. 

Klaus reached to pull your shorts down and your heard him curse quietly when he felt how wet you’d become under his teasing. You kicked them from your ankles and opened your legs as Klaus positioned himself over you. 

Truth be told, this may as well have been your first time with anyone, never mind Klaus. You could hear your heart pounding louder in your ears at an almost deafening volume and your breathing had increased rapidly. 

You gasped as Klaus entered you and he stopped suddenly. 

“Sorry. Sorry...” 

You shook your head and relaxed, exhaling slowly. “Just don’t rush.” 

Klaus nodded as your noses touched and your eyes met. He kissed you one last time before he began to move inside of you. 

The feeling overwhelmed you and you felt tears brimming the corners of your eyes. Not to say that you were sad. Not at all. But the feeling of being so exposed and so _sober_ at the same time was a bit too much for you. You were only glad that Klaus had decided to rest his head just lightly on your chest so that he wouldn’t notice. You wouldn’t have wanted this with anyone else and in this moment, you felt so grateful for him. 

A breathy moan escaped you as Klaus kissed the curves of your breasts and the reaction caused Klaus to moan with you before he began to move faster. 

Klaus lifted his head to look at you. His messy hair, smudged eyeliner and the beads of sweat forming on his forehead really sent you over the edge and he refused to be left out as he grabbed at you in any way that he could, calling out your name until you met your release together. 

* * * * * 

The sun peaked out through the opening of your curtains you rolled over to check the time on your phone. 

Shit. 

“I’m late.” 

“Late for what?” Klaus mumbled. He rolled over across the bed and reached out for you but you weren’t there. 

You were busy trying to find out half of your uniform from your wardrobe; you weren't even sure your alarm had actually gone off. Did you even set it? 

“Late for work.” 

Klaus stretched out as the duvet left his upper half. He rubbed his eyes and gave you a challenging look. “Yeah but like... _How_ late?” 

“K...” You smirked and shook your head. Everything except your brain was telling you to climb back into bed with him but you hadn’t the time. 

Klaus stuck out his lower lip before climbing out of bed. “Okay, _fine_. I’ll make you a coffee to go while you finish sorting your life out. God knows you could be a while.” 

“Rude!” You called after him as he went downstairs. 

“But true!” 

You slipped on your shoes at the bottom of the stairs once you were done and found Klaus in the kitchen slipping some snacks into your bag. 

“Oooo it’s a suit kind of day, is it?” He sauntered over to you and handed you your bag. 

“It’s a consulting kind of day. I’m covering for someone.” 

“If you’re only covering then do you _really_ have to go in?” 

You slipped on your coat and gave Klaus a look to which he held his hands up in defence. 

“Yes I do because it’s people like you that they need me to go in for.” 

Klaus mock clutched his heart. “Ouch. Such hostility and so early too.” 

“But true.” You teased. “Have a good day! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” 

You left quickly and closed the door behind you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again! Hope everyone had a great Christmas & New Year. Everything has been hectic since I last uploaded and there's a lot going for me right now but as promised, I do still have more content to upload. I was pretty unmotivated for a while but hopefully I'll be more persistent now that I have a bit more time on my hands. Thanks for still sticking around and supporting me!  
> Enjoy :) xo


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